My mom thinks I already psyched myself out with math already. Now I have a sinking feeling I should have stuck with the elective because it was more helpful towards the hobby than with math which I find to be an utterly useless class to take to get me closer to my degree. I need cred in the hobbyist world! None of the hobbyists care if I can complete the square or any of that shit. (honestly I don’t either)

I guess this is why this class was “left” and statistics was all filled up.

Speaking of the hobby I got that item that had shipping that cost more than the item. Stuff like that is hard to come by around here. But I’m going to see if I can find a local supplier. (it’s not drugs)

When I was taking the test I was thinking “If anybody thinks about copying off me. Well they got another thing coming. With my abysmal quiz scores they would be advised not to.” There was this guy I was sitting next to who was really visibly frustrated with the test looking at it, shaking his head, grabbing his head, huffing, etc. I was too, but I try to play it cool and make it look like I know what I’m doing even if I’m scared or upset inside. My approach is “I don’t know so I’ll make shit up”.

I was like I knew how to do a lot of this stuff, but when I looked at the test my mind went blank.

Perhaps I should take a look at the next chapter we are covering in the book.

I have a feeling the outcome would not be good. A “C” or higher I’m dreamin’. A “D” really hopeful and an “F” the most likely possible outcome.

I’m so ready to just quit now and focus more on the hobby. Do I really need math? I mean at this advanced level? I feel this is the level I have plateaued at. It was the same thing in high school. I just wanna give a big middle finger to calculus and pre-calculus.

I know the worse repercussion will be how my dad reacts to it. But I know my limits and this is not gonna be like my last 2 years of high school all over again. I just need to keep telling myself if I don’t finish college I’m gonna end up an alcoholic hobo who talks to them-self aloud. My life is so fucked up it’s not even funny.