Since I’m trying to let people see the real me or at least more than I’ve been revealing over say the past 17 odd years. I know she is there way deep down inside me. She has a nice little safe blanket fort. She likes it there she’s comfortable. When I try to convince her to meet new people she always gives the same excuse to me. “I can’t go out there! I’m unlikable!” She pleads with tears welled in her eyes. Although she can be coaxed out occasionally. Perhaps she needs a lot more coaxing out than I realized.

In The Middle episode “The Rush” Sue tried to join a sorority. The way she was trying to converse with those girls was so like how I try to converse with people even today. I thought it was so funny, but my parents didn’t. Sue said she wanted to be whimsical. Which I thought was funny because I don’t try to be I feel I am without even trying. Because I know I would totally tell somebody a story about a mystery poop at a hotel. Although that has never happened to me. But it’s tv so they meet people really fast. It was funny when they were being read the Velveteen Rabbit. There was this movie, Just Where I Belong I saw about a girl who was a foster child and she loved the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. She thought she was not a real girl or something. That’s how I feel about my secret hobby I know I’m not real, but not yet. The others told me that when you are and realize its the most wonderful feeling. You have to believe in the magic. You’re like on the level with Santa Claus.

I was saying about how I should admit that I like musicals. I don’t like to say I do only because my dad makes fun of me for liking them. Should I be pretending to like or not like stuff because of my father?

Two of the CDs I ordered came. My nosy dad wanted me to open them in front of him. I’m afraid to open them in front of my dad. He claimed he would not make fun of what I bought. What!? No way! He’s gonna totally make fun of it! @o@ I refuse to believe it.  Especially since I bought this and a copy of “Don’t Tell Me you Do”. He said he wanted to wrap those CDs for my birthday. 0-O

This Carmen CD is really funny! Remember nostalgia is a powerful drug. I bought that as an impulse buy.

I’ve been working on trying to extinct a behavior. Perhaps Thursday should be “music day”?