I’m going to reflect on my final. Even though today is not my last day; that is Wednesday. So I like to write about what I learned during the semester to be reflective. This is about theater class. I learned about the teacher and that she likes to play favorites and seems to favor the ones who use boisterousness to cover up low self-esteem and insecurities.
The only thing I really seemed to learn in class was a bunch of acting jargon.
Ok so I’m not an actor, but I have some of the same qualities they have or need to have like imagination.
All that stuff about acting classes making you more brave, social and outgoing I can attest it didn’t work for me. I’m still being the same old quiet, apprehensive, shy, introverted and possibly socially anxious me. It’s ok if you think I’m a crazy selfish jerk.
It ruined me from watching any kind of production. I kept thinking “this is a sad scene what are they using for substitution?” I kept looking at them from a technical aspect. I could not enjoy it and it really bothered me!
I learned that I could actually pull off a George Costanza scheme. I have tried a few different ones before, but I didn’t pull them off to this degree. I had one from The Cadillac and one from The Bizarro Jerry which had worked to varying degrees.
I wrote all that over the weekend.
It was 2AM and I remembered I forgot to curl my hair. I figured I’d make due with the hairstyle I woke up in the morning with I was not going to put extra effort into curling my hair like with rollers and stuff.
I get a text message from one of my scene partners before 7AM telling me to bring my props for the scene. Actually I never removed the prop from my backpack. Before 7 really? At first I thought it was just random text message spam because I seem to get that at all hours of the day. But that reminded me to pack my bell bottoms in my backpack.
I put on some mascara before I went to school. It’s starting to smell a little funny so I might have to throw it out. I wore my button up shirt that I hoped I would not ruin. It was new and I never wore it before. I wore a scruffy shirt under it.
Before I wanted to do anything I wanted to sell my books or attempt to. I sold my acting book for $34! I paid $40 for it online not including shipping or somewhere around there. A +$34 for me and my secret hobby! Too bad they did not want to buy back my old Poli Sci book from the 1st time I took it. I think it’s because the publishers are going to have to print a new one for the incumbent president. So that is $55 down the drain! Oh well! *shrugs*
There’s this guy who set up shop right by the book buy back tent giving out beef jerky samples. Jerky samples!? I asked for a sample of the teriyaki flavor. Three of the five flavors were spicy flavors. I ask how much it is and where can I buy them. He says “the store behind me” which sounds weird. Apparently his partner or who ever else who was knowledgeable about the jerky was not there. He yells “The jerky is $6?!” like he doesn’t know the price of it or something. It was over priced anyway for the size of the bag to the price. My dad hates when I buy overpriced jerky. I get in trouble for that. After I ate the sample I was thirsty. If it hadn’t been for the jerky sample I would not have noticed the cola that spilled all over my backpack. I noticed that the soda was somehow open in my backpack I’m thinking “Please not the pants! Don’t be the pants!”
So I go to the fancy bathroom wondering how much damage the soda did to my backpack as a whole. When I get to the bathroom it’s the pants! XoX @o@ Luckily nobody is in there. So there I am standing over a sink wringing out the pants. My whole backpack smells like cola. My pants smell like cola. Another good thing was that the pants mostly absorbed the soda at the bottom where the bell flared part is. That was because of my short legs my mom had to hem the pants to fit my short legs. So there was extra material there. The waistband was mostly dry so I could use it. I hoped it wasn’t noticeable. That nobody was going to go up to me and tell me I smelled like cola. Luckily for me the pants were made out of a synthetic material like polyester or something and they are black so the cola was not noticeable by sight. I decided to blot the pants with wads and wads of paper towels. As I’m doing this while listening to Rockapella music to calm my nerves. My teacher walks into the bathroom, and greets me. I don’t really notice her since I’m so focused on the pants and the music. I think “I wonder what she thinks of this scene of me in the bathroom blotting pants!?” Then I figure she’s seen worse stuff than this and go back to blotting my pants. She goes into a stall while I’m still blotting the pants. I realize that if I didn’t change my pants soon I’d be late. I go into a stall and debate about wearing the pants. I’m still blotting them in there. It made me think about that story in Seinfeld when Kramer said that he fell in the pants he was going to return. Then I wondered what would a real performer do at a time like this? First they would not be bothered so much about spilling soda on their pants. Secondly they would probably just perform in the soda pants, so that’s what I decided to do. I realize she is in the stall next to me I recognize her purse and shoes. I wonder if she recognizes my shoes? I thought I put them on and wanted to know how moist they were. Like if they were going to make my socks wet. I made sure to leave the bathroom after the teacher left.
I like the phrase “soda pants” it sounds like a line of clothes for kids or teens or something. Remember Soda shoes? When I was in high school they were like knockoff Skechers. Do they still make Soda shoes? Apparently they do!
When I’m getting ready to leave the bathroom I run into my scene partner while reapplying my mascara.
So I’m wearing a light blue button up shirt, black bell bottoms and pink sneakers. It looked like a bad gumshoe cosplay. I was not wearing what I normally wear to class; a cartoon shirt and some jeans. Well the jeans were in my backpack.
When I get there all the females are wearing dresses. I only have one dress and it’s a Halloween costume, and it doesn’t fit me anymore anyway. Plus the 2 skirts I own are very 1980s looking. The girl with the cane says she borrowed the dress from her sister and the shoes from her mom. She said she didn’t really know how to sit in a dress or bend down in one. It brought back thoughts of the 6th grade mini skirt incident. While I sat there in my cola soaked bell bottoms.
My scene partner (the one who texted me early in the morning) told me that me and the other girl were all over the place. Perhaps I should not have watched a large portion of that Webster marathon over the weekend and studied my lines more? And that we were not our characters. I was in my head too much. I think I have permanent residence there. Plus that was my problem last time.
The teacher said that if it looked like you put some effort into making a costume that was good. My group was the 2nd one to perform. I’m not sure how good I did on it. I was not getting a grade or anything on it. Only my scene partners were. But I got through it.
So that annoying guy comes late as usual. The prodigal son of the class. She said he took her class 4 times and never finished any of them. She said that was the 1st class he took with her that he completed. Of course it wouldn’t be him without a story about something that happened to him on the way there or something. He got in a fight or something, and his shoe broke. He said he wanted to recite the lines with an earbud in. He said she could listen to it, and that it was not his lines. I know that trick I saw it on a video. But he gave another bunny ears lawyer performance. So that deserved a round of applause.
I had a feeling that the class was gonna end like my writing class did or something. I seriously thought we were going to have to sign something for each other or something. I even pre-prepared something just in case. She said she wanted a “cast photo”. I just stood wherever. I didn’t want to be near anybody specific or anything. I think my eyes were out of focus. I think I looked like Derpy or something. I don’t fake happy in photos much, and I’m not 5 anymore to do that big toothy grin little kids make. She said we could friend her on Facebook. Not that I would want to or that thought even crossed my mind. Of course she would have a Facebook. She also said to come to her if you need advice about auditioning and stuff. It kinda made me feel like she was trying too hard to be likeable again.
He wanted another group hug except the problem was they were doing it in front of my stuff and blocking me from getting to my backpack. 😦 The other people were saying about how they want to take more classes with her. Ok if that is your deal. Or even audition for school plays together.
That is my “strategery” I used this a lot. I’ve been in college for many years so I know how to game such things. Because most likely you won’t see these people ever again. Unless they are in classes for your major or something. It’s like “speak now or forever hold your peace” like for weddings. What I said was mostly half truths except for the classmate that reminded me of Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99; he took that as a compliment and said that is his favorite character in the show. You know I’m more of a Boyle. So onto the teacher I told her I thought the class was “interesting”. Which was not a complete lie. It was in a sense. This was more like a half truth. I did get a lot of material in there. Of course I didn’t tell her that! I just said that I want to win a Tony for writing and not for performance skills. She told me that I’m a talented writer, and that if I want her to look over my writing to send it to her. She also thought I improved (Which I think I didn’t. I still feel it made me worse.) Ok if you say so. She told me it was nice of me to say in the class for my scene partners. I also told her I’m taking a break from my secret hobby to finish up school. I want to get as much done as fast as I can (within reason) so I can leave the school ASAP. I also think she was trying to hug me or something. She did have her arm around my shoulder while I told her that. Then onto the annoying guy. So here is the gist of what I told him; that he was one of the most interesting and memorable classmates I’ve ever had a class with in all my years of schooling and that I’m very old. Which is true again I get a lot of material from this guy. I said I even remember the 1st time I met him. I described the class and what happened. If I was not in that class for one day I would have not remembered all those things that happened? I was sort of invisible the 1st time I met him. I never noticed how tall he is. We were both standing in mulch. He told me that I was memorable too. Ok, good enough. Not that I was looking for validation from him or anything like that. And I was done with my acting for the day. See? I can act in my everyday life; on a stage or something not so much. I left the class feeling I don’t know weird. I can’t describe it. Not accomplished, sad, happy, relieved, or remorseful.
Then I went back to the bathroom to change my pants. I need to wear my jeans on the bus because my bus pass is in the pocket of the jeans. And the teacher was in the stall next to me again. XoX@o@ I recognized her shoes and purse again.
After I changed back in to my jeans I went home to assess the damage of my backpack. I found her facebook page. It was not that hard. Looking at her facebook page I thought maybe I’ll just book mark it. She doesn’t need to know about my unhealthy obsession with Cookie Jam. I could so tell it was her facebook page she writes like she talks. My backpack reeks of cola. Good thing I have my bubble gum backpack.