Desperate But Not Serious — June 20, 2018

Desperate But Not Serious

Have I used this before as a blog title? Possibly? 🤔

I was listening to the song “Monument”. I mean really listening to it. What is that song really about? Failure? Mediocrity?

I realized my hair got way too long. I’ve been meaning to cut it since March.

I was by the mall so I went to the Hot Topic there. I know I shouldn’t have gone there, but I had over a half hour to burn. There was nothing good there. No Depeche Mode shirts I could see. Mostly Prince, Micheal Jackson, and metal shirts. I saw a “Use Your Illusion” shirt there and it made me think of Arrested Development. I noticed they are selling more shirts again and moved the wall of Funkos to another smaller part of the store. Has the Funko bubble burst? Now if they only sold goth dresses again it would be like old times. 🤔

When I got to the employment agency they told me I had to fill out some forms and it would take a half hour. Which is fine I don’t mind. There is not a lot for me to fill out anyway since I don’t have much experience or anything. The receptionist kept singing to the music she was listening to. It was really annoying. I was still waiting so I decided to listen to my music. If you’re gonna be rude to me I’m gonna be rude back. I think I must have listened to 6 songs. They were so rude! I waited almost 90 minutes. Then after all that they told me they didn’t have any jobs for me, and to wait until the county fair comes to town. That is not until September! I need work now! I have reached out to this place 3 times already. All they told me was to call them to see if they had new jobs available. I’m not trying to be a bitch here really, but why not just be honest with me and say you can’t help me instead of wasting my time. Some other places I called were at least honest with me and told me they could not help me with my lack of experience.

While I was waiting for the bus a smelly hobo asked me for a dollar.

The bus took a long time to get back home. I knew I was going to get in trouble if I came home after my dad. And I did and was XoX

After the day I had I was thinking about the song “Black Celebration”. I need a lot of drinks. Lots of rum! It’s a good song to drink to. All their songs are good songs to drink to.

Another Relic from my Teenage Years — June 19, 2018

Another Relic from my Teenage Years

Remember when I posted a blog about those old binders I found? Well here is another relic from my teenage years. When I found the binders they made me think of these pages. I have never shown these to anybody until now.

I know people like to scan and take pictures of their diary entries. Not me. I think that is the place where I can let it all out. Mostly what I write is inane anyway. Would you want to read my old entries from when I was 15 years old? I’ll just say this somethings change and somethings don’t. Like my disdain for math. I still write about the same things like shows I watched on tv and the food I ate. Or something more recent like a whole paragraph I wrote about the “Suffer Well” music video. Seriously, nobody wants to read that. What I write is kinda boring. Unless there are drawings. Sometimes I like to post those. And just the drawings.

Since I was so into music as a teenager and haven’t really stopped now. These are blank pages from a diary that I wrote some songs I really liked at the time. The first entry in that diary is from March 1999, and the last entry is dated October, 23, 1999. There were some songs I added after that. I usually go to these lists of songs when I wanna think of my freshman year of high school or when I’m looking for inspiration for a playlist.

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The front page is all No Doubt songs. (or songs Gwen was featured on) (the “Return of Saturn” ones are written in pink pen and most of the “Rocksteady” ones are written in red pen)

Here is a list of the songs:

Saw Red [a Sublime song]
Oi to the World
DJs [a cover of a Sublime song]
A Little Something Refreshing
Blue in the Face
Just a Girl
Greener Pastures
Hey You
World go Round
Sailin’ On [a cover of a Bad Brains song]
Get on the Ball
Tragic Kingdom
Sunday Morning
You’re the Boss [a cover of an Elvis song by The Brian Setzer Orchestra]
Move On

Artificial Sweetener
Beauty Contest
Under Construction
Staring Problem
Southside [a Moby song]
Too Late
Six Feet Under
Simple Kind of Life
Comforting Lie

Waiting Room
Hella Good
Let me Blow ya Mind [an Eve song]
In My Head
Platinum Blonde Life
Don’t Let me Down

Crash [a solo Gwen song]
You Owe Me

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The back page is songs by other artists that are not No Doubt.
Here is a list of the songs:

Bleed Like Me – Garbage
Ghost Town – the Specials
Royal Oil – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Smooth Criminal [the Alien Ant Farm cover]
Buddy Holly – Weezer
Math – Supernova
Sacré Français – Dimitri From Paris
Mistaken – Save Ferris
Playdough – The Aquabats
Awful – Hole [title misspelled by me]
Trendy – Reel Big Fish
Just Another Day – John Cena
Your Friend – Save Ferris
Tear Drop – Massive Attack [title should be written as 1 word]
Josie – Blink-182
Spam – Save Ferris
Lovely – Wagon Christ
Maria – Blondie
Rascal King – The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Only Happy When it Rains – Garbage
Road Rash – Mad Caddies
The Sun and the Rain – Madness
Here in your Bedroom – Goldfinger
I Choose – The Offspring
Too Much Pressure – the Selecter
Heavensent – Esthero [title should be written as 2 words]
Sweetness – Jimmy Eat World
Jolene – Spring Heeled Jack USA
Ready to Go – Republica
Ironic – Alanis Morissette
Super Rad! – The Aquabats
Violet- Hole
Lucky Denver Mint – Jimmy Eat World
Little Differences – Save Ferris
Rapture – Blondie
Daydream Believer [a cover by Shonen Knife]
Special – Garbage
Never say Never – that dog.
Enough – Dance Hall Crashers
The Middle – Jimmy Eat World
Soap Disco – Kara’s Flowers
Army – Ben Folds Five
Radio Listener – Teen Heroes

So lie to me Like They do it at the Agency — June 18, 2018

So lie to me Like They do it at the Agency

For the title I couldn’t resist. 😉

Can you believe that Depeche Mode’s 101 Rose Bowl show was 30 years ago? Today? I wanted to go hang out with some fans gathered there or something. Where is my head at? In the clouds? That thought is useless.

Before the internet I didn’t know there were so many foods I ate incorrectly. My parents think I’m so dumb 😳 for believing that.

On Fathers’ Day I told my dad he could watch his Woodstock DVD (that he’s had for years) as long as he didn’t bother my mom and I. So that was a Fathers’ Day present to him. Since apparently I’m the only person in the house who can work the DVD player. He did tell me the part about Yasgur’s Farm. It made think about My Cup Runneth Away. Yasgur’s Farm is one of the locations in the second round along with “Greg’s Apartment”

I know writers like to embellish and stuff they are writers. PLOTTING IS NOT WRITING! Well it is sort of but plotting out something and actually writing it are 2 different things. You could plot out 17 different books, but never get to actually writing them. And if you did that and told me you wrote 17 books I’d like to read them.

What is the deal with whiny youtubers? The “I’m losing viewers by the minute take pity on me videos” ain’t doing it for me. You posted this and now I want to watch your channel even less or not at all. Maybe people aren’t watching your videos because they aren’t as good as they used to be.

I remembered it’s almost the one year anniversary of the Kidsclick block. It started on July 1, 2017.

I decided to go to a staffing agency since I really need a job. Passed the defunct Toys R Us on the way over there. I made sure to note this since the directions from Google were vague again. It was hard finding the door to the place. It’s like in a business park.

When I get to the place they tell me they can’t see me without an appointment. When I called last week they didn’t tell me that. What liars! Made sure to mention that. Not in a bitchy way, but a “WTF!?” way. Then she took down my info on a sticky note/post-it. Really!? I was also told all the appointments were in the afternoon. Of course since I’m desperate for money I’ll ignore all the red flags. I told myself if it doesn’t work out with this agency in a week or so I’ll give up.

When I got home I saw they have pretty bad yelp reviews. The google ones were so/so. The google ones were the ones I read last week.

At least they weren’t as bad as the agency who asked too many questions about my meth use. (Which is none btw.) With the “meth questions agency” I have to wait until October to apply with them again. I guess the meth questions are a problem because I saw other people online complaining about it online too.

With all this walking I’m getting a lot of exercise in.

Watched the 101 film. It made me think about how different things were 30 years ago. You know like accessing information. My favorite parts were when the bus kids say they don’t like metal, and when Martin buys a bunch of country music. I’m kidding all the parts with Martin in them were my favorite.

Personality Journal Blog Entry 20 — June 17, 2018

Personality Journal Blog Entry 20

Since I haven’t post a personality journal entry since January I thought I’d post one.

This is a list of things you have done.

Things I did:
Raked Leaves
Eaten a bug (by accident)
Ditched school (but not until college)
Jumped on a trampoline
Thrown water balloons
Acted in a play
Won an award
Gone down a waterslide
Driven a car
Won a contest
Drank coffee
Made ice cream
Spoken in more than one language
Gotten detention (but my parents don’t know)
Written a poem
Been scared of the dark
Been to the circus
Been to a wedding
Gotten an F
Drank Alcohol
Wet the bed (when I was potty training)
Caught a ladybug

Been in the newspaper (I’ve been in the high school newspaper it was more a quote than a picture or anything)
Sung karaoke (I’ve played the vocals part of Rock Band)
Eaten rabbit (I’ve eaten candy rabbits and they looked like this)



Ridden a horse (Does a circle of ponies count?)


Been White water rafting (Does a theme park ride count? It had the word “rapids” in the name)

Can’t remember/not sure:
Thrown a surprise party
Seen a ghost

Did something similar:
Won a spelling bee (I won a geography bee)

Things I didn’t do:
Flown in a helicopter
Made a snow angel
Entered a beauty pageant
Been on a reality tv show
Traveled alone
Gotten arrested
Had surgery
Started a food fight
Been in a bowling league
Kissed a friend’s boyfriend
Swam with dolphins
Traveled to Europe
Played spin the bottle
Seen the movie Dirty Dancing
Done a backflip
Built a snowman
Given somebody a black eye
Received a dozen roses

10 Toys from 1988 (part 3) — June 16, 2018

10 Toys from 1988 (part 3)

This entry is a continuation to the last 2.

1. Smooshees


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I have a few of these. Heidi Bunny and Sea Sea writer. The fish didn’t fit in the pen very well, but the pen was a good quality pen and wrote for many years.

2. Beach Blast Barbie

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I never had Barbies from this line, but the color changing hair was a nice touch.

3. Paris Pretty Barbie fashions

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I have a Barbie case with her wearing this outfit on the front of it.

4. Barbie Hostess Cart


One of the few Barbie playsets I owned as a child. I think I immediately lost the tiny utensils that came with it. I think I lost a roll over the years, but strangely still have the stick of butter.

5. Tyco Snack Shop


If it was anything like the Flower Makin’ Basket then it would have been a pretty disappointing toy. Tyco’s Super Dough was a poor quality Play Doh knockoff.

6. Couch Potato


I remember seeing these dolls at the Pic N Save thinking they were kinda pointless. Maybe they were more of a gag gift?

7. Plantsters


So there is like nothing about these toys on the internet. Apparently they were test marketed in California. Well they aren’t really a toy they are more like a gardening set for kids. I remember I planted some flowers that bloomed at 4PM they were neat.

8. Nintendo Power Pad



My neighbors had this and I wasn’t very good at it. This was given away as a prize on a few children’s game shows.

9. Footnotes



I wanted this toy. They used to give away as a prize on Finders Keepers.

10. Lil Miss Makeup



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She is the first of many Lil Miss dolls, never had this doll.

Nonsensical Advice — June 15, 2018

Nonsensical Advice

I wake up to a lovely email from my school telling them I owe them $87. When I call up the school to clear it up they tell me I was overpaid for May since I dropped the class early in the month. I sort of thought something like this might happen, but I didn’t wanna say. It was one of the reasons I got angry and sad when I knew I was doing really poorly in the class. Part of me subconsciously knew my days were numbered. I was told I was sent a warning email in May. Warning? What warning? This is the first time I hearing of this. I did check the school website a few times to see if there was anything. I call again I was told the first person I talked to didn’t know what they were talking about. What?

Ok so those CDs will be the last luxurious purchase I make in a long while. 😭 So I better enjoy them. I’ve pretty much given up on the CD arriving before June 25th.

This is a blog topic I’ve been chewing on for about a week or so. Somehow these topics ended up tying nicely together.

This is something that bothers me. With people online giving bad “inspirational” advice. These so called positive people usually give really stupid advice. Telling people their problems are not as big as they think they are and to take care of themselves. What the hell?! You are not experiencing this.

Like if I told somebody my problem and they gave me this advice. “Stay hydrated and watch some cat videos.”

What?! This is your solution? You’re no help!

It common to see this kind of post usually on a facebook page or something like it. You know other forms of social media like instagram or youtube videos. And you read some of this inspirational stuff and you end up feeling more terrible about yourself. There is only so many “you are stronger than you think” type posts you can read before wanting to gauge your eyes out. Or at least I do.

Let’s not forget the carrots, coffee and egg story that was posted everywhere online for inspiration. Can I be instant ramen instead?

When I had it really bad say about 10 years ago I used to read these inspirational stories in women’s magazines about people who were unemployed. They would have random conversations with people at random places and get a job. You know what the worse part was? I believed it! >o<

I do enjoy Boggle the owl though.

I mean I know I have my problems and tend to ruminate and stuff.

Oh yeah and those everybody sucks and you are disgusting type posts on facebook. What a downer to read those. There are only so many pollution and dead animal posts I can look at. Maybe they looking for shock value or something?

Maybe I should make this blog all inspirational quotes and stuff. Nah! That would be against my nature.

Shouldn’t Have Done That — June 14, 2018

Shouldn’t Have Done That

I was blasting “Everything Counts” in the car and at a stop light a person in the next car game me a weird look.

Why is unbridled enthusiasm always seen as a good thing? I understand that when people take on a new project they are very happy to start something new, but it is not well thought out. At first I thought it was me being pessimistic. Or a realist or something. Not to say I haven’t been swept with unbridled enthusiasm in my life before. Maybe I’ve been reading too many Billy Mumphrey stories?

I did something bad and ordered another CD. It was there on amazon so cheap begging me to buy it. 😅😵😖 The problem is it won’t come until July. Late July. That is a whole month from now. Especially since I was lamenting earlier in the day that my storage space bill went up. I’ve been waiting on “A Broken Frame” for what like 3 weeks now?

Taco-bout Your Fears — June 13, 2018

Taco-bout Your Fears

There was a video about this party company on the internet telling you how they operate. You stand outside manning the rides and stuff in the hot sun all day and are paid cash at end of the day. Say you work an 10 hour shift with these people and they feel you didn’t perform well. So they pay you $50 instead of the $120 you are owed. And you were told to bring your own food and water. Wouldn’t your food spoil from being out in the sun all day? They just seemed so… I don’t know sleazy. I wondered if this was one step above carnie? A different company not the one I wrote about in this entry.

My mom told me that when you get angry the base of your thought is fear. I chewed on that thought throughout the day.

I dug up my old personality journal. I haven’t posted one of those blogs since January of this year. Maybe I should post one soon.

I’m gonna be like Bart Simpson harassing the mail man. “Where is my Depeche Mode CD!?” You know I’ve been waiting 21 days since I ordered it. >o< I don’t remember my Rockapella CDs I ordered from Japan taking this long to arrive. And I didn’t pay for expedited shipping on any of these CDs.

I got my free taco today. 🙂

Things Stacked Against You — June 11, 2018

Things Stacked Against You

I was thinking how I feel like things are stacked against me. Not cards but something heavier like blocks or something.

Then I was thinking where could I apply for a job? Some place I applied to 5 years ago. If those annoying people who interviewed me are still working there well… And plus I know how to react to their fake ass bullshit questions. The interview was so horrible I didn’t even want to apply with the company all these years later. That was probably one of the worst summers on record (personally). Well that summer ended on a fluke high note.

If I was still in math class I would be worried about my final. It would be tomorrow.

I saw these plush at the Dollar Tree.

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Look at this bunny plush. The striped body reminded me of those old striped plush from the 80s. That like every kid owned back then.



I saw this ugly doll. Is it supposed to be a horse?

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Music is Your Security Blanket — June 10, 2018

Music is Your Security Blanket

When I was a kid I loved my dollies and stuffed animals. Maybe because I was too sensitive or because I was an only child I usually take one with me wherever I went if they were allowed. Which is not uncommon. Many kids do this. Then I started thinking about how now that I’m older I don’t go around carrying plush animals anymore. Although there was that stuffed animal fad at my junior high. Which I still don’t get after all these years later.

I moved onto something less conspicuous to carry around. Music. There was that time when I was into both. When I was about 9.

For my birthday from one of my aunts I got one of these.


She is one of those relatives who doesn’t know you very well and gives you random things as presents. I broke it within a couple of months, but I got another one. And I used to crash my bike a lot. And get chased by dogs. I could not hear the dogs because of the music. I think the bike crashing was a combination of me being bad at riding a bike and listening to the music. I would just ride my bike up and down the street listening to the radio. I sort of miss that though. Even though I was not allowed to go past the alley or beyond the street I lived on.

I remember me listening to music got so out of hand that I was not allowed to listen to music while doing homework or while eating dinner. Which I do now all the time, but not when I was in the 3rd grade.

First it was the radio, then tapes, then CDs, now mp3s.

Then I realized I was walking around the house with the player.