Early in the morning I felt sick like I ate rocks.

My mom was mad just because I forgot my pencils and stuff. I had emergency pens in my backpack, but I refuse to do math in pen. It’s an old hangup from junior high/high school. When I was in school the teachers would be so mad at you if you used pen in any math class. To me it’s the war on pens in math class that and 1/2 inch width binders. I was having a quiz I needed a pencil.

It took me years to use a pen in my high school classes. Except for the ones where the teacher lecture quickly and I would write down or try to what they said word for word. I’m actually very good at that. At first I had tried pencils for that teacher’s class, but after having the guy for 3 years pens were easier to use. In college I use pens for almost all my classes except foreign language classes and any class where I have to do calculations.

This is a rejected blog title I never got to use “The Bulldog of the Deli”. It’s a Hershiser reference.

When I get to school I had to go to the snack shop to buy a pencil. I asked if they sold separate erasers. The guy tells me “It’s right here!” and points at the eraser at the top of the pencil. He tells me to go to the book store to buy one. I say “Damn!” That is all the way across campus! And uphill mind you. So I bought that pencil and hoped for the best. I still had the pens I could reluctantly use.

So I go the the tutoring center. Usually I just go and sit there and listen to some Depeche Mode while I try to study math or try to do math homework. Especially on days when we have quizzes. I see some girl wave at me. At first I thought she was just being friendly with me. After I thought about it she’s from my class. Then she asks if I understood the problems. Honestly I’m really not the person anybody should be asking math questions to. Ok simple stuff that doesn’t have variables. Although I did sort of know how to set up the equation. I just couldn’t find all the variables. While the tutor was explaining the problem to the girl from my class. I thought I heard the voice of my deli senpai. But that made no sense. He doesn’t go to school here. When I looked over I saw it was just some guy with a similar voice. Then I got really sad for some reason.

Some girl sitting near me asked us what class are we taking we said Statistics. I recognized her book. It’s a College Algebra book. She asked if we could help her. I said I failed that class twice. Which is true. Did I even get to that part of the class subject she was struggling with? I think I did last semester.

The pencil itself was ok, but the eraser was horrible and didn’t erase well at all. I was so frustrated using it. When I took the quiz I was too distracted on the crappiness of the eraser and how poorly it erased. I just hoped he could read my answers.

I was really craving red licorice during my math class. I thought I’d pick some up at my old job.

After school I went to my old job to turn in my name tag. Everything just felt awkward. It was a strange feeling. I was not “one of them” anymore. I really didn’t want anybody to know what I was doing in there on my “day off”. The feeling is bittersweet. I feel stupid for not being able to last long there, but that place was driving me nuts! I think my problem was I was giving too much to the job and putting too much of myself into it. The candy helped a little bit. Some people need alcohol, or cigarettes, or drugs. Perhaps I should have drank “pageant crack” before my shift? ūü§Ē At the end of my last 2 shifts there I was on the verge of tears on the ride home. Although I was told I was terminated? Plus I needed to buy stuff there. It was weird walking around the store looking for items. I ran into some people I used to work with. I told them that I quit. I figure the more news gets spread around about me the better. I don’t work there anyway. People can gossip and say what they want about me. I don’t wanna step foot in that store for at least a month. You know like as a customer.

My dad was bragging about how he used to do his math homework in pen because he was so confident in his work. XoX