Leave in Silence — October 20, 2018

Leave in Silence

Ok, so I did it. I pulled the plug so to say and quit my job.

I got a hold of the supervisor who told me yesterday that deli is understaffed at night. When I said that was one of (the many) reasons I was quitting she said it wasn’t. That wasn’t what you told me 12 hours ago. I said it was not the job for me. I was sort of at a loss for words. I really wanted to say something cool and witty, but then I didn’t want to be known as the person who quit and said that dumb thing. Remember when (my name) quit her job at the deli and said “(some dumb quote or saying)”? I imagined the workers laughing at me.

But I did endure it for like a little over 2 months. So I’m proud of myself for that. I was aiming for 6 months at first; then 3; then I was taking it day by day. And I do have 2 months of deli experience let’s see where that will take me.

I’m so happy! I feel liberated.

But it made me wonder “Who’s going to take out the rotisserie chickens today?”

After I did that I really wanted to just eat some candy and listen to some Depeche Mode songs.

I need to look for another job, but in the meantime I can do all the stuff I hoped to do like get some writing done.

The deli is a place for sentinel types and not diplomat types. The thing I didn’t like was that I could not find a secluded place to recharge. (this is not about drugs) I didn’t like to have to be constantly “on” for the job.

I don’t know if I had a “favorite” part of the job, but throwing out the old food was something I didn’t mind. And the people watching was good as long as they didn’t want to mindlessly chatter with me or become too demanding. Working the front was terrifying and the rotisserie chickens were the bane of my existence there.

I think the other workers could sense I was a little “off”. Taking breaks in the supply closet when it was empty, having “freezer time”, singing to the rotisserie chickens, or that one time I was really rocking out to “People are People” in the break room. I think I was hitting the table imitating how they strike the battleship in the music video.

Behind the Rotisserie Wheel —

Behind the Rotisserie Wheel

I was supposed to post this yesterday.

I was so tired from my shift the night before I slept for most of the morning. Even when relatives came to visit I fell asleep. I think I slept for over 3 hours.

It was strange I got actually got praised at work. By 2 different people. Workers not customers. I was really shocked.

The coworker who was there during “the potato wedge incident” asked if I got in trouble for what happened. I said I got in trouble for something else and I was not going to bring it up unless somebody else did. She said they were even ruder than I remember. That they were pointing at me. Well it’s over now. I told her I told my deli senpai the story yesterday.

I got in trouble for not cleaning the deli fast enough. You expect me to clean a whole deli by myself in 2 hours? I didn’t even finish the dishes. My supervisor told me that I could not leave because it was still a mess even though I was slated to leave at 10PM. So I got in trouble for leaving “early”. That was all I needed to hear. That was it! That was my last day there.

I would tell somebody now, but the personnel office would not be open so late at night.

My dad is a little upset, but I told him I couldn’t take it anymore.

So I can go back to what I had planned Saturday. Now I can study math because I will have time to.

They can say what they want about me now. That I was too stupid, too weak, too sensitive, too something. And that I could not last over 2 months. I’m surprised I didn’t quit on my 3rd day where all the rookies were stuck there. I did try to be optimistic about my job. That I could take it and all the punishment and all that stuff.

I should get a very meager paycheck in a while. I did work for like 3 days of this pay period.

Even if I was going to try and be negotiated with I’d decline. You can’t make me go back there.

It all Seems so Stupid, It Makes me Want to Give Up — October 18, 2018

It all Seems so Stupid, It Makes me Want to Give Up

When I walked in the store I felt the anxiety coming on. I wasn’t even coming to work I was buying stuff there.

Coming to the store makes me feel like I want to kill myself. Ok that was too much. But still I don’t feel “right”.

The worse part is the Saturday they were supposed to give me off in a couple days is gone and I’m working a 9 hour shift. I had plans for that day. I wanted to do some math homework and watch 4 hours of Classic Concentration.

The thing that bothers me so much is if I’m such a terrible worker why give me all these hours? Wouldn’t you not want me at the store?

I’m really not sure what is going on with my schedule.

Halloween Math is Scary — October 17, 2018

Halloween Math is Scary

I so want to quit my job right now! Anyway I’ve been some research about how other people are treated at other stores and their experiences seem very similar to mine. Which does not not surprise me. Including people complaining they were not trained. I think it’s a combination of potential suck and not wanting to take the time to train some replaceable person who will be gone in less than 3 months. I’m going to try and make it to 3 months, but if I don’t I won’t devastated about it.

My mom told me to take it day by day.

And I’ll stop buying Depeche Mode CDs. I already have 8 of them which I think is a sizeable collection for now. I have all their albums from “A Broken Frame” to “Violator”. I got another copy of “Construction Time Again”. For the purposes of this blog I’ll count “101” as one album.

I’m feeling really sad and I should not keep listening to the song “Blasphemous Rumours” it’s triggering me again and making me feel suicidal. That song triggers me so badly.

Ok now I’m pissed which would mean would my creative output should be high. But I’m not feeling it yet.

I thought if I keep getting work violations I’d want a rose hand delivered to me by Martin Gore himself or any other member including Alan Wilder. (I know he’s not in the group anymore)

I have to say that “Some Great Reward” is really growing on me. It’s a solid album. But “Music for the Masses” is still my favorite.

I only fell asleep once in class and very briefly. So I was proud of myself for that.

I was bored and doodling in class and I drew a picture of Buddy and Tiny from Dinosaur Train.

The teacher said the next math test is scheduled for Halloween. A math test on Halloween?! Now that is a scary thought. Math is scary! *screams* He said that the night class he teaches complains about having a test on Halloween night, but not his day classes. Why would I care? I’m there at like 11:30 AM.

I think I’m really upset I’m not eating much, and my dad still doesn’t understand my dilemma. Like he ever understands my problems anyway.

I see Amazon is hiring. I heard working at Amazon is bad. I still think it can’t be as bad as the deli. Nobody there bothering me for sliced meat or who doesn’t know the difference between the words “thick” and “thin”.


Get Bent at the Deli — October 16, 2018

Get Bent at the Deli

After I thought about it the deli is a place for sadists.

The frozen pizzas we got to cook were bent. When I looked at them I thought “those pizzas can get bent”.

Because of stupid scheduling I got another violation. But it was for a lunch and surprisingly not for what happened with the potatoes. I couldn’t remember what happened on what day. Luckily or unluckily I wrote that down in my blog. I quickly referenced it to know what my boss was talking about. So my blog sort of saved my ass. I think? I thought what if that kept happening and I got fired because of it? At first I was worried and upset, but then I wasn’t. Whateves I’m so dead inside.

I mean I thought there were going to be rumors about me flying around I was going to be like Lita/Makoto from Sailor Moon when people said she was a bully.


What is the point of staying at this job? My clothes are grease stained from working too hard for too little.

When I went to the McDonalds they said they ran out of ponies. 😦

Glutton for Punishment — October 15, 2018

Glutton for Punishment

Ok I’ll stop harping about the potato guy. But it made me think about that Night Court episode “Crossroads” where Roz is a stewardess, and she is stuck on a plane with all these annoying passengers. Her boss tells her not to lose her cool so she holds it in for most of the flight until she stops a hijacker.

I was looking at my work schedule and it has me working one week with a shift ending at 10PM and then going in the next day at 4AM and it’s on a Monday. I’d have to go to work for a few hours and then go straight to school. I’d really fall asleep in class that day. And I thought a shift ending at 10PM and the next one starting at 9:30AM was bad.

I’m prepared for anything tomorrow at work I mean in form of some kind of reprimandment. Or rumors about me getting fired or something even though I had 3 days off.

After I really thought about it I think 2 months is the most people say there anyway usually. So chronologically I’m in the right place. Frustrated, rage quitting and all.

Since it was really windy today I wore my Depeche Mode shirt. I though if it looked too ill fitting I could hide it under a zip up hoodie. It’s ill fitting, but not too ill fitting.

It didn’t look too bad so I think I’ll wear it again when I have an opportunity to show it off. I think I need a good hairstyle to go with it. It would go so great with orange hair clips if I had some.

I took the time to study before class. I didn’t even bring my writing with me. I decided to get some math homework done. Then this guy came and sat across from me. He was just playing on his phone. He was so annoying. He kept kicking the table and kicking the rolling chair towards me. So I kicked a rolling chair towards him and he didn’t even notice. Good thing he was annoying or I would not have noticed I was going to be late to class. I made it there on time though.

We went over some of the homework. I was happy I did the math homework somewhat right. 😄 We had a quiz. But when I took it I was fantasizing about white outfit 101 Dave. Which was not as bad shirtless “Halo” music video Dave. Or when I think about a shirtless Martin Gore. Math is very boring. The quiz was kinda hard. My problem is when I take them my mind goes blank. I’m not sure if I did well. Here’s hopin’?

Since I had spent all that time studying and doing math homework I didn’t have time to eat and I was so hungry. But I had brought food to class with me that was very hard to open. 😭 It took me a while to open the jerky I brought. I didn’t want to look weird trying to open it.

The strong winds made some of the street lights go out and people don’t know how to drive when that happens.

Has another Monday off from the deli. XD

Still Even More Songs from 1998 —

Still Even More Songs from 1998

I felt like doing some “mindless” blogging today with a list of 10 songs from 1998 and I haven’t posted one of those in a while. Not since last month.

“Jolene” – Spring Heeled Jack USA

“Can I Get A…” – Jay Z

The censored version was a staple at school dances.

“I Am” – Suggs

“Doo Wop (That Thing)” – Lauryn hill

“No, No, No Part 1” – Destiny’s Child

Funny story about this song at my 8th grade talent show all the girls who performed a song as a group sang this song. Whenever I hear this song it reminds me of that show.

“Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here” – Deborah Cox

“Alarm Call” – Bjork

I really like this music video for some reason.

“Shimmer” – Fuel

“All the Kids are Right” – Local H

“Crush” – Dave Matthews Band

Closer to the Edge (4 More Months in Hell) — October 13, 2018

Closer to the Edge (4 More Months in Hell)

I was listening to the song “Black Celebration” thinking “This was describing my day. No wonder I like this song so much.” But as I listened to it I felt more emotional than usual. And then a song like “Nothing”.

It was a nice gloomy Saturday and I was happy to have it off. (customer service issues aside)

My dad was telling me about 30 Seconds to Mars and I was thinking about that song “Closer to the Edge”. It really described me at the moment.

My copy of “101” the album came. I thought it was gonna take longer to come since the order was not through amazon themselves, but a 3rd party seller, and it was coming from Europe. It’s a great double live album. And it’s a lot better than the film? Movie? Too bad there is not a full recording of the Pasadena show I mean of concert footage. It would have paired so well with the album. So I said that would be the last of their albums I buy for a while. Then I remembered I need to get another copy of “Construction Time Again” because I got defective one. Ok 2nd to last. You know in case I don’t have a job anymore or something else happens.

It wasn’t solely that guy it was the thing that sent me over the edge. It’s been a culmination of things. I had been thinking about applying to other companies and rival stores. I had been thinking about it earlier in the week.

Since that guy was wearing sandals maybe I can get him to get his toe run over by a street sweeper by bothering that guy where he works at if he even has a job.

After I thought about it really hard I bet they are gonna spread gossip and rumors about me, but what can I do about it? Nothing so I’ll just let that linger. But now there is a target on my back and ammunition to be used to shoot me with.

If I do get a talking to when I return to work I’d really like to just put it all out there. Assert myself and say what the real underlying problems are. If they listen to me or not it another thing.

Everything Counts in Chicken Amounts — October 12, 2018

Everything Counts in Chicken Amounts

Kidsclick is already on reruns of season 2 of Miraculous Ladybug. Really? 🤦‍♀️🤔

When I get to work the task board said “(my name) load and unload rotisserie”. I knew it was gonna be a fun day.

Since that rotisserie is all they seem to care about all they want me to do is get them out of the machine quickly. Which puts extra stress on me. Because according to them I’m not doing it fast enough. But when I do it too fast I mess up and stuff. What do they want?! >o<

They don’t understand why sales plummet at dinner time there. I can easily tell you what your problem is you are understaffed at dinner time. That’s why your sales plummet.

I was happily throwing out old food I even snuck in an earbud and listened to “A Broken Frame” while I did it. Nothing like listening to “See You” while throwing out an old salad. I get told to go to the front. I’m there by myself. (I hate working the front even when my coworkers are there. It’s terrifying.) I’m overwhelmed by customers. A bunch of people there angrily frowning and scowling at me. Demanding their chickens, wanting sandwich orders, hot food, and sliced meats and cheeses.

I thought it wouldn’t be too bad I only had about 15 minutes left in my shift. I could just you know ride it out.

Then this guy comes and is mad there are no potato wedges which I had just sold the last of maybe like 10 minutes or so before he got there. He kept demanding for potato wedges and taunting me about them. Saying things like “(my name) why aren’t there any potato wedges?” but in a sassy taunting fashion like a little kid on the playground. By this point I lose it. I say “I’m here by myself.” And that the fryer is closed. Which is not a lie they like to close it at around 6 PM or so. It’s not like I can use it anyway I don’t know how to. He demands that I go make him some. Then he threatens to go get a manager which I say “Go ahead. I don’t care!” He was being such a dick at this point and I was going to get in trouble it was well worth it.

Your outfit alone is a cry for help. A sequined skull top with leopard pajama pants black socks and slide sandals. The lady he was with looked like somebody out of an 1980s music video or a parody of a 1980s music video.

I was gonna help and go find a manager for him. Just further along the process. At this point even if my job was on the line I would have gladly taken a firing.

I thought the guy was going to act so traumatized they were going to have to wrap him in a blanket or something. (special snowflake syndrome) He kept demanding for camera footage. Saying that I was yelling and making a scene. His argument was such bull that he is such a loyal customer there and all this shit. All I asked for was that I got to say my side of the story which was that I don’t know how to use the fryer and that he was sassing me.

He was the one who started it. I just want to say I know you are on a power trip or whatever the fuck was going on in your tiny pea sized brain of yours and bet you feel like a big powerful man because you are obliviously feeling powerless in some other aspect in your life and took it out on me and the potatoes because why not include the potatoes?

Your performance was so great you deserve an Oscar for that acting. *slow clap*

I didn’t really care at that point and the manager who talked to me could have fired me on the spot and I would have said would have been an enthusiastic “Thank You”. Possibly even hugging. The manager tells me that she gets threats about her life all the time. I was really thinking “This is dangerous I don’t want to work here anymore”. After that talk or whatever that was. I quickly clocked out and left.

After I thought about it I felt like I was in a bad Donald Duck cartoon. It was like that cartoon Bellboy Donald. When I first worked there I thought about that cartoon. It’s been on my mind for a while.

Well at least I went for about 2 months without losing my cool so that to account for something at least possibly.

The Freaks come out on Thursday —

The Freaks come out on Thursday

I’m writing a blog that does not have some type of Depeche Mode song title in it. But it’s a Whodini song. When I came up with the title I got all nostalgic for Whodini who were really popular when I was in junior high. Well there was that breakdance resurgence at my school in 1998 when I was a freshman in high school.

I didn’t post a blog 2 days ago, but nothing really interesting happened in math class. The only thing was I realized that I’ve been at my job for 2 months if you include orientation. And I learned something about coin manipulation in math class. Which made sense to me because I watch a lot of Penn and Teller Fool Us.

So when I was shopping at the store I work at I ran into my boss. I introduced him to my mom. He asked if I was coming in later which I was for my shift. Later she complained to me that I was very socially awkward in that situation. She hasn’t seen me at work.

I’m gonna go cry in a corner of the deli while writing poetry and listening to Depeche Mode songs. It made me think of the song “Sometimes”.

Some guy wanted only big and well done chicken tenders for his “mother”. Then he complained about the container I put them in and thought I was charging him for the bigger container.

Somebody got sick and had to go home so my deli senpai had to come and help. When we had our lunch together I told him what happened and to act surprised. When I came back he was there helping in the deli.

Another lady complained that the rotisserie chickens looked “burned” and if I could sell her one that was not “burned”. They were not even finished cooking. (Look lady either buy a “burned” chicken or not). If I remember correctly she’s come here before to complain about the “burned” chickens.

We worked hard and he even had me clean the slicer parts. Those haven’t been cleaned in a while. Well in at least a month when he had me clean it the last time.

I told him I get the strangest customers on Thursdays. His theory is that it’s those people’s shopping day.

But we did finish 20 minutes early.

I was so tired I fell asleep and forgot to post this blog yesterday. 😴