Ok so the title is a joke.
It’s the time of year when people sit back on reflect on their year and I am no different.
Ended up getting into Depeche Mode’s music. Somebody’s music I would have never thought of liking in a million years. They’re a group it’s plural right? Before that I listened to “Enjoy the Silence” here and there and “People are People” occasionally. Even if I don’t look like one of their stereotypical fans. I don’t wear eyeliner or black leather or scowl enough. Well I did think at first that listening to synth-pop was a whimsical idea. It was the most low effort whimsical thing I could think of.
Choosing my major for my own selfish gains. I think? It was more of a fluke thing than anything. It was not really planned out. Most things I do usually aren’t. You know because I don’t wanna be a speech pathologist or anything like that. I like the media side of communications more. That is interesting to me.
Worrying that I was not altruistic enough.
I thought I was gonna have a really horrible summer, but I didn’t too much. I met some great people on discord and I got a job for the tail end of summer.
Even if that place pretty much hires anybody with a not so bad criminal record, who kinda knows how to read, and has a pulse. Then I unintentionally ended up being whimsical at my job. Which was strange in a way, but not seen good or in some ways productive. (Not that I didn’t do my job when I had one.)
You know and then you find it and it was always there inside you all along. Like Dorthy or Dumbo. Which were getting a job and being whimsical.
Two months is better than nothing. And I am still very proud of myself for staying that long. I never once missed a day when I was there. Even if I still feel like I was solely treated as the idiot they hired to do all the grunt work there. (I’m worried that I give off some kind of idiot or simpleton vibe to people)
I was in a constant state of paranoia there. I felt like I was in 6th grade again. I’m happy I was paid on time and that I didn’t have to sell knives door to door or car wax at gas stations (and not employed by the gas station) or trying to sell people crappy internet service in a store by pretending to ask them a question. Why do sales people do that? Let me ask you a question. Why is your sales pitch so annoying?
And all those hobbyists who are trying hard to preserve and protect what they have and blaming any little thing on why it is dying. They can’t agree on the definition of what they are trying to protect. I’m not sure what they are trying to accomplish and maybe they are not either. They are fighting those who come against them, and each other internally which is rather ironic itself. Which leads to all the problems they’ve had before snobbishness, elitism, fakeness, and gate keeping.
Why can’t I be “genki” all the time or at least do a good job of faking it? That is one of my problems I have a hard time faking enthusiasm. Or faking most any other emotion.
When I finished on of my writing projects I had spent a lot of time working on. I was very happy I did that
Failing math twice was horrible and is really making me consider quitting college for good.
Am I gonna post my writing goals? Let’s see… I know to write some blogs about 1999, and possibly pick up my fics again. I have a whole bunch of unfinished ones.
This will probably be my last blog of the year. Whenever I write things like this people think it’s my last blog ever, but it is not.