This is a list of things I hope won’t happen at my new job:
I have to watch a bunch of nonsense videos.

I have to touch meat that I’m not going to eat.

Somebody cries in a walk in fridge.

Somebody gets mad at me about potato salad.

I have an argument about a pizza.

Somebody asks me to pick them a watermelon.

I wash dishes for 2 hours.

I really want to stay there for a long time. I want to break my record at the deli tenure which was 2 months and 10 days. My parents told me to make myself useful, but I’m not doing that again. I’ll try kissing up to upper management.

How many times do I have to say to my dad “I got lost when I went there because the GPS in my phone didn’t work”?!