The Parrot and the Lizard — September 16, 2019

The Parrot and the Lizard

I had a job interview today at a hotel. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I’ve been to plenty bad hotel interviews. When I get there the desk receptionist points me in the wrong direction. But I used this to my advantage. When you can listen in on interview questions it helps. (no matter how stupid they are) The person they were interviewing before me really hit it off with the interviewers. Apparently they both used to work at the same fast food chain. I never have that kind of luck. I don’t recall that ever happening to me at any job interview about anything I did. Nobody has looked at my resume and said “You worked at (name of chain store I did too! Awesome!)” For that matter anything else regarding my background.

Look at the hours of operation of this place. And opening shift has to come in at 6am.

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Companies want you available all of the time. And I mean ALL THE TIME! Once I can drive I can communicate this to potential employers. That I have literally no life and can come in anytime. I was trying to tell this to my mom but she didn’t believe me.

The interview went badly. I can feel it. They asked dumb questions, we didn’t hit it off, and I could not stay until 4AM. I did tell the potato story again. I said I don’t like “spoiled bratty customers” and that deli and the whole store was flooded with them including people who worked there who bought deli food.

When it was over I really wanted a hamburger because the bus stop is by a hamburger place. I could smell it. But I can’t spend money. My mom got mad at me for trying to get the last little bit from a shaving cream can. I saw there was already somebody waiting at the bus stop across the street. I couldn’t see them very well. I thought it was just some random person from the area or something. When I cross the street and get closer I see it’s the person they interviewed before me. That never happened before. Or at least I didn’t notice. She asks how the interview went. I gave her a vague ass answer. I’m not gonna say that it went badly. I gotta be like a parrot who hides their injuries. I think I bombed it. Plus I looked a little aloof because I reading something funny in my phone. She asked when the bus was coming. You know if you are going to use the bus as your transportation for this job you should have some idea when it gets there. Well if we see each other we both got the job and if one is there and not the other then one of us got it and one of us didn’t.

When I was walking home I saw this little one. It looked like it posed for me. My phone did not capture the colors on it.

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Miscellaneous Blog Sept 2019 — September 15, 2019

Miscellaneous Blog Sept 2019

I can finally read my Monument book. I told myself not to read it until I took my written driving test. It’s been sitting there in my room collecting dust. I still have not read much.

I got a call for a job interview and I missed the call and returned it. When I did the guy told me I sound like his mother which I was not sure to be creeped out or flattered.

I thought if I’m on the road and everybody here is pretty much is a bad driver then if I drive badly it won’t be as noticeable.

I was thinking about this old Fox Kids special called Grunt and Punt it was a show produced by the NFL to teach kids about football it aired in 1994. I learned a lot about football from watching it. I think that sh9ow predates Under the Helmet. I didn’t fully understand how football works until I was 12. Those computerized down lines on the screen really help.

Who Does Zamboni Play For? — September 14, 2019

Who Does Zamboni Play For?

This story starts all the way back in the spring of 1998 and is very convoluted. This story is about Fern. Who I mentioned in this blog entry.

My dad gets a call one Saturday morning from Fern who said her dad had tickets to a Kings game. When I overheard him talking on the phone. (Her dad and my dad liked hockey. I forgot how they met maybe at a school function or something?) I freaked out ran around the house at first. Then I panicked and hid under the overs in my bed. I didn’t know what to do. Then I thought I was going to be stuck with her for at least 3 hours. Isn’t that how long most hockey games are? I imagined they would have the 2 dads sit next to each other and then have me and Fern sit next to each other. And all the things she would do to me including hair petting, grabbing my arm, the squealing noises. And out fathers ignoring us enjoying the hockey game.

I knew I was being punished for something. I started to cry. Then my dad heard me crying he asked why I was. I said I didn’t want to spend a whole a hockey game with Fern. He was trying to convince me to go because it was free and they were playing the Red Wings and we were going to be on tv. Nothing he could tell me could convince me to go. He was very disappointed and called to decline the offer. He told me she would have gone too.

After all that happened I called one of my friends and told him the story. He said if that happened to him he would have cried too.

There is a lot more to the story but it’s not relevant to the blog.

The funny thing was I used that story for a school project. Well a more detailed version of it. I think the assignment was write a story about you and your family. The teacher put limitations on it and it had to be a real story. So I used that. But everybody in my class seemed to like it, and Fern was not in that class.

So he really wanted to see a hockey game and he did eventually about a year later in 1999.

Before we went my dad told me some crazy things like it was really cold in there and to layer my shirts. Which I did and was so overheated there. The Y-107 van was there. I was looking for celebrities to be there. But I didn’t see anybody I recognized there. The game was gonna start and the Zamboni was smoothing the ice and I wanted to get a better look at it. The security guy doesn’t let me get further to the end of the seating aisle. He asks why I wanted to get closer. I say I want to see the Zamboni. He says to my dad and me “Who’s Zamboni? Which team does he play for?” The guy working security thought Zamboni was a player. XD

It was when Wayne Gretzky played his last game and the pregame ceremonies were on. The Kings had an early game at 12 noon. When he was giving this speech we were buying concessions. But it was on all the tvs at The Forum. He was saying about how great it is to be a Ranger. When he did. It was so funny everybody booed him at The Forum. You would have thought he would have said “Oiler”. Since that was the first NHL team he played with. There was only one fight between the players during the game.

This is a good hockey joke to tell people. 😄🏒

Here is his speech (this is not my video) (notice how they cut to The Forum a few times)

Suspicious Minds — September 11, 2019

Suspicious Minds

I woke up early because they were moving the trucks they use for the street repair at almost 4AM. I was tired all day.

I went to the mall to get a new MP3 player. I have been meaning to get one since last year. It was on sale too. Double the capacity of my old one.

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I saw this bootleg Detective Pikachu at the mall. It’s a squishy. I know cause I squished it. I didn’t really have a lot of time to browse the mall.

I got this Rescue Rangers video at the thrift store. I forgot about the box set I have. Oh well it’s a nice little collectors item. Gadget is on the back of the box. The box is glossy so it was hard to photograph.

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I didn’t have time to set up the MP3 player because I had to go to that job interview. I really didn’t want to go to that job interview. There were red flags all around; the late call, the urgency in the message, and ghosting me for a month and then contacting me.

So I stupidly went to the interview. When I get there they are not ready for me. They say the manager is not even there. Not surprised. I was waiting  I’m just looking at some random Halloween items in the store. Why should I expect it to be on time? The last one wasn’t. The manager sees me and congratulates me on my second interview. Second interview my ass! I’m not buying it. Somebody left. I got interviewed by 2 different people the assistant managers. Luckily my lack of cash register experience is hurting me, but I don’t mind in this situation. They start whispering to each other about having only one cashier. They are trying to not make it sound like they are understaffed when they really are. They mostly seemed to want somebody who could work “anytime” and on holiday and to be “on call”. They asked about a bad customer service experience, so I did get to tell the potato story again.

When I told my dad about the interview. He told me some story about how he got a job because some guy got hit by a car. That’s not what this is about. See? He misconstrued something again. My parents say this is an opportunity, but I don’t believe them.

My dad tries to stroke my ego by telling me I’m so smart. Smarter than my bosses or some shit like that.  That doesn’t work anymore! He used that shit to get me to stay at the deli for a few more days.

If I’m not hired by them and still don’t have a job in October and get a call from them. I’m not falling for this shit.

When I finally got to open the player. The instructions said I needed to charge it for 3 hours. XoX I haven’t put anything on it.

Second Time Around — September 9, 2019

Second Time Around

I had my DMV appointment today which really wasn’t one. I kept getting in trouble for things I didn’t know I needed to do. It took so long it there. First I had to sign in. Then wait to go to the window. Then get my picture taken, and finally take the test. It took me a short 2 and a half hours.

When I have to take my vision test I think I can wing it, but I can’t. I get told to stick my eyes in this thing. I don’t know who stuck their eyes in that! After people use those somebody should wipe them down. The lady kept asking me where’s my glasses. I told her at least 3 times I don’t have any. What part of that did she not understand? She was just frustrating me. I was so ready to walk out.

So now I have to get glasses and bring them back to the DMV. 😭

They give tests on the computer now. I failed it the first time I took it. I remembered 2 of the questions I got wrong when I missed them on the test when I took it when I was in high school. The one about parking and turning the front wheels of the car and one about hazardous materials. So I passed the test in 2 tries like I did when I was back in high school. At least they let you take it again or at least the guy running it didn’t notice and let me do it. Which is better because you don’t have to schedule another appointment to take it again. Plus I found a few flaws in their system. I think the computer only has one test in it. Not like the old written ones where there were different versions of it.

I’m so happy to be doing this. It gets me one step closer to my secret hobby. Or I can take those shifts that start at 3AM.

Something strange happened at night I was relaxing watching Penn and Teller Fool Us. When I get a call. And it’s after 8PM because this show is on and it comes on at 8. I get a call that is rapidly spoken to me telling me to come in for an interview. I was just there a month ago. I know who this person is they were the person who interviewed me last month. My mom thinks it didn’t work out with some other employee. Well it’s not like I’ve had a job between now and then. I just chalked it up last time as another interview I went to and then got ghosted because they didn’t want me. Should I be suspicious? Cause I kinda am.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten (Not!) — September 7, 2019

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten (Not!)

Actually the “Not!” fits the slang of the time. I did start kindergarten in 1989. Since it’s back to school time and stuff I thought I’d post this. You know a lot of people have happy pleasant memories of Kindergarten, but not me. To me it was one giant mindfuck. “Kindergarten: one giant mindfuck” was a tentative title I had.

There were all these inexplicable rules. Like when the kids would hit you. I’d get mad so I’d hit them back. You were not allowed to hit back you just had to take it. I was just supposed to sit there and take it?! When I would try to explain myself the teachers would usually tell me “Don’t care what (name of other student) did I saw you do it”. (A similar thing happened to me in 7th grade)

Eventually I just got really paranoid and thought I was going to get in trouble for any little thing. Even things other students did that had nothing to do with me.

I had a hard time being around 30 kids who were all around the same age. Until then I had usually been the youngest and smallest one. There I was old and tall. Excluding the kids who were held back and there were quite a few of them in my class. I got sick a lot too. I was not used to being around all those contagious kids. I got stick so frequently I missed picture day and being in the class picture. My neighbor got jealous because I made new friends at school. She really should have been more mature about this since she was a 2nd grader at the time.

The way the classes were structured were strange. First I had “full day” Kindergarten. There were no AM and PM classes like a lot of schools have. And we “changed” classes. The other classes were English, science, and I’m not sure what the bilingual class was. Spanish? It was for Spanish speaking students. My class was the math class. The science and English teachers were really nice and understood me. I like their classrooms I think they were the original kindergarten classrooms at the school because they had really tiny toilets (to go to the bathroom) and a play kitchen area. The English class a really nice play house area with a kitchen and a play bedroom area and some play bunk beds. They were too small for the kids to lay in, but large enough t fit like a 20 inch doll.

I remember one of our first assignments was to draw a picture of yourself then they took a picture of you and attached it to the drawing. The other kids used to make fun of my drawings. Because I didn’t know how to draw things like the sun or hearts. I still can’t draw hearts very well. They look lopsided or something. Not pretty! I didn’t like that the crayons were fat and only had 8 colors. At home I had a nice box of 64 crayons that were small. I wanted to replicate the design on my shirt in my drawing. There were these 6 hearts on the front of the shirt that looked like somebody had freshly painted them and they were kinda drippy and a little glittery too. Each of the hearts were a different color including a pink one. When I asked where the pink crayon was I was just told to “Color lightly with the red one.” “Color lightly?” A kindergartner doesn’t understand that. If I could I’d wear that shirt today.

I was also a very lazy artist. I was not good at drawing hearts (still not) and balloons. They us told we could draw on our Pilgrim hats. So I drew lollipops since they were easy to draw it was nothing more than a circle and a line. Much easier than the hearts and balloons all the other girls drew on their hats.

My teacher was a huge sexist jerk. She would always make the girls clean up the mess the boys made. The best thing was when she went on maternity leave the long term sub who replaced her was great. She was kind and fair and when she left I missed her so much. When my proper teacher came by during the week before Christmas break I refused to hug her or tell her I missed her. Because I was happy she was gone.

Eventually all this spunk and vigor was beat out of me figuratively and literally.

Call Me Maybe? — September 6, 2019
Flex on 45 — September 5, 2019

Flex on 45

So I went to my job interview today. When I get there I see this guy sweeping, but he is walking “funny”. I can’t see him very well because the street is on a hill. When I get down the hill and get a better view of him he is not walking, but skating and very awkwardly at that. He had a hard time sweeping and maneuvering on the skates.

(in the application it asks if you want to wear skates, but you could also do the job on your feet. I asked not to wear them when I read the question filling out the thing and said “Aw Hell NO!” aloud as I read it)

He was doing all of this on inline skates. Which is funny since the company website showed the people in quad skates.

Then he catches me looking for a door. There is no actual restaurant just where they prepare the food. He asks if I have a question and skates towards me but falls backwards. I wanted to laugh so badly but didn’t in case I get a job there and he remembers that. I don’t wanna leave a bad impression. I asked if he was ok then he got up and skated away. He told me he was going to get the manager, but some customers came.

I didn’t want to be mean, but bad skater guy was ignoring me. So I ask if I have an interview or not cause I was ready to leave. Eventually the manager comes out.

He starts to interview me and say the internet is down there, but he can interview me with pen and paper. He gets a call from his boss and he says everything is broken over the phone to him.

This was our conversation:
Him: When is the earliest you can come in?
Me: 8am 7am? I can’t go any earlier.
Him: Is this a transportation issue? (makes a disappointed sound) Do you have black slacks?
Me: I don’t have some but I can get some. (thinking) What? Those aren’t that hard to get. (Notices he’s wearing black basketball shorts.)
Him: (makes a disappointed sound) How much notice do you need to give?
Me: None, I can work tomorrow.
Him: (he lights up)
Me: But I have a DMV appointment on Monday. I scheduled this appointment months in advance.
Him :(makes a disappointed sound)
Me: But I can come in Tuesday.

If I can tell your place sucks by only being here for 20 minutes and it’s not crowded says a lot.

The guy brags about hiring 45 people in June. A weird flex, but ok? How many of these people actually stayed? No really. I waned to know. That is a lot of people for that restaurant. It’s not like a huge store or something. According to him only 4 people left because it was not a good fit. He didn’t fire anybody. Then it’s 55. Then he ups the number to 70 something. Ok…🤔🙄

It’s been really hot and humid and I’m glad I don’t work at that job I lasted one day at.

I Am So Smart! — September 4, 2019

I Am So Smart!

I finally got my degree in the mail. (I thought I wouldn’t get it till December. I just wish they had done more than just place it in a cardboard mailer with out a frame or case or anything) Communications is liberal arts?! Ugh! At least it’s over with.

Then I can dance and chant like Homer from The Simpsons.

S-M-R-T!

I plan on doing that with this degree once I get one from a hobbyist education program. Which in one of the ads for one says “suitable for framing”. About all the grief, heartache and stress it has brought me so far. Even more than college. And the sunk cost fallacy.

Or maybe even listening some Uncanny Alliance.

I really wanted to cancel my interview with the rival store. But I didn’t because I really wanna work there. There were a lot of problems before I got there. When I got there the worker I asked about where to go was very rude to me and gave me some vague ass directions. I wandered around the store until another employee gave me the correct directions. As I was looking around I have to say my local location of this chain wishes it was this nice. It was clean and well stocked. The makeup section looked great. As I was foolish wandering around the store I heard “Looking Hot” by No Doubt. Then I finally found it.

As I was waiting the workers just seemed happier there. I didn’t pick up on a feeling of dread from them. I apologized for my appearance. The interview went ok I guess? She bragged about how she only shopped at the store she worked at. I wouldn’t blame you. Seriously, don’t buy rotisserie chickens from there. She said you would be cross trained that’s what they told me at the other place. I’ll believe it when I see it.

When I was waiting for the bus to go home. I saw a restaurant and I decided to apply there when I got home. There are not many from that chain around here.

So I do when I get back. Then I get a call less than an hour later from submitting it asking me if I could come into for an interview today. I had to turn it down, but could come in tomorrow.

Found out Kip Addotta died last month. 😢🐠🐟🐬🐳🐋🐙🐚🦐🦑💧🌊

Kip Addotta Dies: Comedian Appeared On ‘The Tonight Show’, Was 75

I saw the movie Big Fish. It’s one of those movies that everybody says “It’s so great you have to see it!” At first when I watched it I thought it was some kind of Forest Gump knockoff movie. By the time he went to that idyllic Southern town for the first time I realized what it was an INFP porn movie. Ok “INFP porn” is too strong. There is no porn in this movie. INFP ascetics? But it’s a Burton film so you would expect that. Once the ringmaster turned into a werewolf I lost interest. And it was way too long. It was ok I guess. *shrugs* Like people said about Forest Gump, Lost in Translation, and Apollo 13. *shrugs*

She’s Not All That — September 2, 2019

She’s Not All That

This entry is a continuation from this one.

After coming back to school from a lot of confusion and rules.

The school had something called “suit day”. What does that even mean? The school had a habit of throwing random nonsense theme days at all times of the year for no reason. I could see if they were for homecoming, or special events for the seniors or for holidays. You’d just see posters or announcements or your teacher would tell you about these random theme days that popped up.

The buttons were color coded. They each had a different colored star on them that represented a different award. They were passed out during 4th period.

So I made my own button out of masking tape the evening before at home. But nobody at school really thought it was that funny. Well not as much as I did.

The assembly was horrible. Awards assemblies and Pep rallies were 2 different animals. For some reason the school called both of them “rallies” and you were encouraged to wear your class color to them.
The person sitting in front of me brought this huge sign and kept holding it up so I could not see anything.

Two freshman girls wore red shirts and went and sat with the sophomore class. (the sophomore class’s color was red/burgundy/maroon not exactly sure, but it was some shade of red.)

Another reason I didn’t like them was because most of my friends were in band and I could not hang out with them at the assembly because they had to play it. So I would always end up sitting by some random annoying person. (who usually screamed a lot)

Then after school and that horrible assembly I saw the movie She’s All That. Because the ticket is dated 1:15 PM and I usually didn’t get out of school until 2 something PM.

At school they were more interested in the GPA than the classes you took. If I was smart I should have taken easier classes and had a 4.0. Screw advanced classes!

In all my 4 years of high school I never made principals honor roll. Usually my GPA fell between 3.4 to 3.0. That was 3.5 or higher.

Years later after I left high school I found out those assemblies were a racket thought up by the people at Jostens.

https://www.jostens.com/educators/edu_svcs_lp_renaissance.html

https://www.jostensrenaissance.com/idea-exchange/renaissance-rallies/

It’s a racket made up by Jostens the people who sell you class rings and graduation supplies. The themes were always dumb and made no sense. America, Disney, jungle, Elvis, music videos?, sports?, that movie AI, the Olympics? After a while the themes were so dumb I forgot what they were because they were so absurd, and the way they tried to tie them into student achievement were passable at best.

I could just imagine the student government having a meeting to come up with the next theme. This class was held before lunch so they could set up activities and fundraisers during lunch.

Student Government Advisor Teacher: We need an idea for the theme of out next assembly/rally.

Student 1: I can’t think of anything! I’m out of ideas. Do you know what is for lunch today?

Student 2 : Hands them a school lunch menu

Student 1: I know the theme is food!

They all agree.

One time the principal or vice principal dressed as Elvis. They made an announcement then he came out in a jumpsuit and lipsynced some Elvis song. Then all the students got into it, but me and a few others. I forget what grade I was in. I wanna say junior or senior. Or what the theme of that one was for. People thought me making Pokemon themed art is “weird” but you are getting into this!? High school was a very strange concept to me.

So much copyright infringement.

They used to have stupid contests. Like dress up contests and scavenger hunts. They would ask for very strange items. A bottle of nail polish and Lakers underpants? The problem was that most people didn’t take their backpacks with them. Who would have nail polish? Those bottles are made of glass those bottles could easily break in a backpack. Especially at a school that had no lockers for books.

 

The best thing was the copyright infringement. So much copyright infringement. Knock off Adidas shirts. Ripping off the AI logo.

The only thing I was “good at” was perfect attendance. And nothing else. I wonder if they put those GPA limits or the school did? According to this tweet the school does. (But now i can’t find it)

 

They have been around since 1992 rallies.

 

From their twitter profile “An educational enrichment philosophy customized by you and your school community that cites increased GPAs, attendance, school pride & graduation rates.”

This was a great scheme for them because the more people who graduate the more potential customers they have.

Not for me I felt so awful after going to those things in every year of high school. I found them to be a celebration of mediocrity, emotionally draining, and just plain stupid.

Around this time I was toying with the idea of dropping out.

The school catered to the disinterested students since so few people graduated. It was not that the school population was small it was that very few people completed it.

Even now I still feel there is no reward for working hard in anything.

The prizes were stupid or were they? They had a shirt with a (copyright infringed) Adidas logo on it The reasoning for using that slogan? “Because you did it! Be proud!” (I can’t make this stuff up people. Actually it sounds like a bad catalogue item description.) But that is what one of the school counselors said at the assembly. Ironically he was the counselor assigned to me. He was a horrible counselor; I hated that guy. He would never let me change my classes, and only paid attention to the troublemakers.

I felt like I was missing a part of my identity. Like I couldn’t be smart anymore.

Being smart was my thing and the school didn’t see that.

I could have used the ball chain

Listened to “Mellogold” by Beck (this is the album that has “Loser” on it)

Watched the Grammies at night.