This Isn’t a Birthday Party — September 12, 2021

This Isn’t a Birthday Party

In 1991 my second cousin was born. He was the oldest of the new generation. I was the last in the string of grandchildren.

They were throwing a baby shower for him at my great aunt’s house. My mom didn’t want me to come because I was young, bad and would start trouble. I was 7 at the time going into 2nd grade. My dad had one job. Keep me occupied and away from the place. First he took me to McDonald’s. I got a Rescue Rangers Dale toy and I was happy he was one I didn’t have. Then he took me to a Chuck E. Cheese for a while. After the trip to the Chuck E. Cheese he decided to take me to the baby shower to surprise my mom and to see my relatives there. When we got there my mom was pissed. I was not supposed to be there. They wanted to see me and let me stay.

The thing was that my aunt and great aunt lived directly across the street from each other. On a busy street. For some reason they kept having me cross the street back and fourth to their houses. I’d go to one house and they’d call me back to the other. It was very confusing. As I was leaving one house to go to the other they called me back while I was attempting to cross the street. I was not paying attention looking over to somebody calling for me at the porch. I don’t remember exactly what happened. It all happened so fast. I remember making eye contact with the driver, panicking and then hitting the hot asphalt. I had some scrapes and burns. I was more upset about ruining my cool new outfit than getting hit by the car. It was a really nice one piece thing with long shorts and faux skirt over them in a burgundy color. Very trendy for fall 1991.

My great aunt called 911, and the fire department came. The firefighter saw a cake on the table and thought she was having a birthday party, but we said it was a baby shower. They said I didn’t have any broken bones.

When we were home my dad come back with food and some Neosporin. I got another Happy Meal this time a different one a 101 Dalmatians one. I got the Lucky toy. I still have it as a reminder of the the day I got hit by a car. (pic not of my toy)


I like to joke around with my cousin and tell him that I ruined his baby shower by getting hit by a car.

One of the few times they actually liked my story in that class. I was too young for their taste because I didn’t write about WWII or the Iranian Revolution of 1979. Two world events I was not even alive for. They made me think I was too young to be a writer, but now I don’t care because I’m old.

A Dark Morning — September 11, 2021

A Dark Morning

When the attack happened it was at 8:46AM Eastern time. Which would be 5:46AM Pacific to me. I woke up and my mom told me something very strange. She said “The Pentagon is on fire”. What? When we saw the second plane hit my mom thought it was old footage.

They really didn’t keep the news from us at school. We were high school students. Most of my friends were seniors.

Everybody in my math class told me that my SAT form would not get sent. That nothing was going to be moving in the US by any form air or ground. They made it sound like forever. It was my cheapskate parents fault. They wanted me to take the test at the last minute.

I wrote about that here. And told a way better story 10 years ago.

Smells Like an Overplayed Song — September 10, 2021

Smells Like an Overplayed Song

Thirty years ago today one of the most influential songs in the history of rock music was released. Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. Even when I was a 7 year old kid I knew I didn’t like the song. Blasphemy! If that song fell of the face of the earth I wouldn’t care as long as the Weird Al parody stayed. But then what would it be a parody of? It was just played all time everywhere, and I didn’t even have MTV. I know it’s like the song that defined the 90s and was a breakthrough. Never really liked grunge as a genre. Plus it killed a bunch of other genres from the late 80s early 90s.

Here are some of the misheard lyrics I heard as a kid.

Hello hello hello x9

With the light out it’s less dangerous

Here we are now entertainers x2

Cause we’re stupid and contagious 

Rama llama rama llama A mosquito A beatle




Running all night long x

Rama llama

Double the Pedals Double the Safety — September 8, 2021

Double the Pedals Double the Safety

The instructor came with a different car.

Saw some birds eagles or something. They were soaring. And an annoying peacock.

I was driving all over in the curvy parts of the swanky bordering cities where the rich people live. Near golf courses and equestrian areas. No horses spotted though.

I’m at ease because I know there is another break pedal on the passenger side.

When ever that is.

10 Songs from 2001 Volume 8 — September 7, 2021

10 Songs from 2001 Volume 8

“Love is a Beautiful Thing” by Krystal Harris

“Run Away (I Wanna Be With U)” by Nivea

“Overprotected” by Britney Spears

“Burn Baby Burn” by Ash

“Get The Party Started” by P!nk

“Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” by Kylie Minogue

“Click Click Boom” by Saliva

“Gone” by *NSYNC

“One Night Stand” by Mis-Teeq

“I’m Real” by Jennifer Lopez

Laboring Thoughts — September 6, 2021

Laboring Thoughts

I had my last driving session with one particular institutor. You know the one who sings about The Brady Bunch loudly, but didn’t notice as she sung my driving got worse. She was too chatty and nosy! I don’t wanna hear your life story. She asked what my rent was. That is personal information. And really I don’t know. I should know but my dad pays it. I just know it’s high compared to other places around here. I gave her the name of the management company that’s all I could do.

Well another Labor Day with me unemployed. I guess I can spend the time listening to the Continuous Labor Mix. I like when they try to mix songs that don’t really go together into each other.

My mom took me out driving on the street to see how I’ve gotten. I keep yelling “Check for bikes!” And that you should lean over to see the curb when you are making a right tun. My mom is confused by this. I told her she is just used to all the bad habits. She learned over the years. But when she told my dad about it later who was not in the car. He had no idea what I was talking about.

I applied to a few places yesterday. At around 10AM. I figured it’s Labor Day weekend they would get back to me on Tuesday or something. I get a text 2 hours later asking me to come in for an interview. I think they are going to schedule it for later in the week. I ask when they say now. That was way too fast. According to my research this place barely opened. In the middle of August 2021. The place is already understaffed. Oh well had lots of fun watching a glitchy repeat of a Raiders game from last year. It was the station and not like a bootleg version or something. Frozen images on the screen for 20 minutes.

Second Day Senior Year — September 5, 2021

Second Day Senior Year

We got our organizers, binders, and dividers. The binders were nerd binders. I already bought one before school started. I never used it for school and I put my trading cards in that binder. The binders were 3 inches wide. Having a binder with class dividers was a school rule, so was always having the planner with you. They tried something similar in junior high. I think in 7th grade. By November of that year in junior high nobody used them and they stopped caring.

First Day Senior Year — September 4, 2021

First Day Senior Year

I was excited Kids’ WB was showing Sailor Moon. The day started off awful because they changed everything. They had people who were stationed at tables to give you your classes. The English teacher in 1st period wanted us to open up I didn’t want to seem dumb but I probably did. I was pissed I got ceramics which I know is a dirty messy class. All my friends who took it would always have dirty pants. At least I didn’t have to take art with those sadistic punk posers. I like drawing and painting, but I really don’t like working with my hands like sculpting. Somebody told me those punk poser girls have pink hair. One girl had red hair and the other had fuchsia. For math I had my grade’s self proclaimed expert skater and music expert and conspiracy theorist. Having classes with him was “fun”. He always happened to carry skating VHS tapes in his backpack for some reason. I got a class I didn’t sign up for. It was some kind of computer class. Why did that happen 3 out of 4 years of high school? That was one of the good things about college if a class is full you didn’t just get a random instead. Basket weaving was full so you got canoeing instead. It was taught by this lady with a strange accent. Then I remembered one of my friends told me about this teacher. By 6th period I was upset. I knew it was going to be a long day and even longer because they printed the wrong schedule. I knew my mom was going to pick me up late because of the schedule.

10 Songs from 1991 Volume 8 — September 2, 2021

10 Songs from 1991 Volume 8

“Enter Sandman” by Metallica

“Dream Come True” by The Brand New Heavies

“Baby, Baby” by Amy Grant

An adult contemporary radio format standard.

“I Love You” by Vanilla Ice

I like this song, but to me it sounds like a knockoff version of the LL Cool J song “I Need Love” which is a way better song.

“Just Hangin’ Out” by Main Source

“Take a Rest” by Gang Starr

“Alwayz into Somethin'”by NWA

“Check The Rhime” by A Tribe Called Quest

“Move Any Mountain” by Shamen

“Planet of Sound” by Pixies

10 More Fashion Dolls from 2001 — August 31, 2021

10 More Fashion Dolls from 2001

My Interactive Princess Cinderella

Movie Magic Mary Kate and Ashley dolls

Disney Dazzling Princess dolls

Magic Movin’ Polly Pocket Ultimate Clubhouse

Disney Princess Enchanted Cinderella doll

Diva Starz Diva Petz

Fashion Polly Hip Stylin’ Stage

Fashion Polly Hip Stylin’ Dressing Room

What’s Her Face Whatever Pet

What’s Her Face Head 2 Toe